|
|
straight up here?
We've had death tube and death bus, but how about death pedestrian? I choose the guy who asked me directions to the kings head pub (though he prounced it like it was all one word: 'kingzedpub').
This fine drinking establishment is just at the bottom of my road so I was happy to lead him right to it. Well, I was happy at first. As we made our way down the highstreet I first began to grow concerned when he insisted on walking literally right next to me, so close that our arms and legs banged together as we walked. I know some people have different interpretations of personal space, but this was just plain impractical.
It was pretty awkward walking down the road with this total stranger pushed up against me so I tried to make a little conversation.
Me: It's a very good pub. The best in Tooting.
Him: do girls dance there?
Me: uh ... well, um, I've never actually seen girls dance there... umm, but maybe they do sometimes? Perhaps?
I tried to picture girls dancing amongst the rather aged furniture of the Kings Head. I think he was going to be disappointed.
As we walked further he seemed to be growing increasingly agitated, so in order to calm him down I tried to point out that we could see the pub from where they were, but he just looked blankly up the road.
Me: there it is look - it's that big building just ahead.
Him: It's straight up here?
Me: Yes, I'm pointing at the sign right now. There, the big sign that says 'the King's Head'. There.
Him: straight up?
Me: *sigh* yes, straight up.
We eventually came to the top of my road which is almost directly opposite the King's Head.
Me: Right, I have to go down here now. There's the pub. Just cross over the crossing here and your done.
Him: straight up?
Me: yes, it's just over there, see?
Him: straight up here?
Me: ok, I'm going now. Good luck.
I looked over my shoulder as I walked off. He was just standing there on the corner. Looking confused and a little forlorn. So close to his goal, and yet at the same time so utterly oblivious to it. Now I feel bad. I won't choose him. I hope he found his dancing girls.
|
|
|
To date 33 Comment(s)
TrackBack-URL
(15.6.05 14:41)
What are the chances he'll still be there tomorrow morning?
|
(15.6.05 14:44)
If I were you, I'd have feared I was about to be mugged.
|
(15.6.05 14:48)
He just wanted to be your (creepy) friend .......
|
(15.6.05 14:52)
lol.You really should be more careful out there young man,you don't know what those people are like!
|
(15.6.05 14:52)
May be he couldn't see the girls with flashy dresses?
|
(15.6.05 14:53)
Are you quite sure he didn't pick your pocket? Clumsily?
|
(15.6.05 14:55)
Aw Pete I'm sure if you'd just explained to Babs you wanted to go to the pub together...
|
(15.6.05 14:56)
I only wanted a friend *sniff* and some dancing girls.
|
(15.6.05 15:02)
He was actually asking for the "Kink sex club". No wonder he looked confused.
|
(15.6.05 15:03)
sorry pete, I didn't recognise you. It was straight up there though.
norah - if he did all he managed to take was a used tissue.
|
(15.6.05 15:04)
So you said, but I looked in the windows and there was no dancing girls! You lied to me in my hour of need...
|
(15.6.05 15:08)
Sorry pete, maybe they dance on wednesday nights instead? And can I have my tissue back please?
|
Artmeliana
/ Website
(15.6.05 16:53)
Eeeeew, creepy, I was thinking imminent mugging too...you sure you want your used tissue back? Could always make another...
|
(15.6.05 16:55)
I'm just worried he could use the genetic material contained therein to create an evil clone of me. It could happen.
|
(15.6.05 18:42)
HE WAS ILLITERATE YOU HEARTLESS MONKEY!!
YOu needed to take him in and gently set him upon a stool. And then read him the drinks menu!
|
(15.6.05 20:21)
ugh..the personal space violater..I hate those. You should have stopped, looked him square in the eye, completely emotionless, and ask if he'd like to do the three legged race the rest of the way.
|
Chebbs
/ Website
(15.6.05 20:54)
man i hate it if my close friends get in my personal space
if a stranger did it i'd explode...possibly in their face
not nice
|
slimey slug
(15.6.05 22:18)
silly baboon god, this is a classic chat up line!
ask directions then walk there with u!
the girls comment was just to check out yr reaction!
|
(15.6.05 23:59)
He sounds like he was a bit chemically enhanced- maybe he was transfixed by the sign outside the pub. "Oooh. Shiny!"
|
(16.6.05 10:11)
I agree with slimey. He didn't want the pub at all, he wanted to go to your house. With you! The dancing girls thing was to gauge your reaction to the thought of said dancing girls. All the time he was waiting for you to say "Why don't you come back to mine for a few beers and a mutual scratch" (which I believe is what you young monkeys call it these days). He knew all along where the pub was. Sheesh, and I thought I was slow on picking up on the signals.
That, or as LaNut says, he was illiterate.
|
(16.6.05 10:25)
mysterious slugs - If only I'd known - what a wasted opportunity!
nutter - does illiteracy entitle you to thrust your body against total strangers in canada?
kis - I'd be frightened he'd say yes...
BC - oh yes - the clues were all there. I never was any good at flirting.
|
(16.6.05 10:32)
BC - I never thought to look where his other hand was pointing when he said that.
|
(16.6.05 10:46)
Well, you'll know next time. Most likely it was your new glasses which caught his attention.
|
(16.6.05 14:15)
That's what I get for eating all those iron filings.
|
(17.6.05 03:25)
WE are a little bit socialist here, so yes. Illeteracy gets you lots here.
|
(17.6.05 10:13)
In that case I am moving to canada and forgetting how to read.
|
|
